On Surviving an Unexpected Crash Landing
Just to be clear, I'm talking here about the normal crash landings we experience in our daily lives when we lose a job or our heart gets broken or someone we love falls ill. I'm not talking about earthquakes or wars or acts of providence, just the ordinary sudden crash landing that catches us unawares in daily life.
It's usually circumstances or events we don't expect that derail our routine existence (COVID anyone?), so what you don't see in this image is the push on the other side of this fall. Now it's possible to slip and crash land all by one's self, and in my case, I was shoved hard, had my heart broken, and lost my footing. For about a week.
Without going into all the details, I'd like to share how I managed to get back on my feet after a pretty devastating shove. The first thing that helped me once I caught my breath (a little) was realizing I was in shock. The shock of a sudden change brings about a predictable state of disorganization. The rhythm of daily life and expectations about the future have been disrupted and that is destabilizing. Expect to flail around a bit in this phase of the crash landing, to experience a wide range of emotions, and to feel a bit lost and maybe even broken-hearted. This is a normal response to a shocking event and can last for days or months depending on the severity of the shock and your resources.
The next thing that happens (at least in my case, I usually follow this pattern) is a search for meaning. Once the shock and disorganization start to settle, an intense period of meaning-making usually follows. Typically most of us first try to fit what happened into our existing expectations and models of reality, and only when that doesn't work - if we cannot un-see or un-experience what we've experienced - does a shift in perspective occur. This new view of our experience and ourselves can come upon us gradually or all at once. The world looks different and then it's time to figure out our place in this new world. This is where the opportunity for learning occurs. (I have two and a half pages single-spaced of lessons learned from my recent crash landing. That's valuable!)
If you have a "growth" mindset, this crash landing will be an opportunity to learn and improve, and to do better next time (get cleats on those winter boots!). If, however, you have what is known as a "fixed" mindset, you are more likely to give up future attempts in this direction and assume this is something beyond your abilities. How you talk to yourself at this juncture will determine how quickly you get back up on your feet and make something useful out of those bruised knees and aching wrists.
Think of a time when you experienced a crash landing. Once the shock started to wear off, what did your inner voice tell you? How did you speak to yourself? Were you kind? Fair? Did you see this as an opportunity to learn? To grow and improve? Or did you tell yourself you were a failure, a loser, or blame the source of the shove or worse? Of course, all of these last are possible steps enroute to a growth mindset as long as you keep exploring and keep examining different possibilities and start being kind to yourself at some point. You'll know when you're back on your feet. Your new direction is clear, the lessons learned feel useful, and you might even feel some gratitude for the crash. In my case, I know this crash saved me from a much worse fate later. That's enough (along with those lessons learned) to be grateful for.
