Who loves you, always? Even when you (think) you don't?

Many years ago, I needed to have a dental procedure done. The dental surgeon needed to take a strip of skin from the roof of my mouth and graft it onto the gum of my lower teeth. Being inexperienced with surgery of any kind at that point in my life, I was a bit freaked out by the pending operation. I don’t know what prompted me to this, and in a meditation before the surgery, I asked the roof of my mouth if it was okay to give skin to my teeth. This all sounds very weird, and yet, as soon as I asked that question, I was flooded with a feeling of unconditional love. It was as if the cells of my mouth were saying, of course, of course, we’ll gladly give ourselves to support the teeth who need us. In that moment, I understood that the body, this community of cells, loves itself unconditionally.

I believe that our living body-being comes into this world with this unconditional love for itself. Now many things can interfere with that deep knowing that is our birthright. Our developing self and ego will be shaped in many ways as our brain matures and becomes capable of thought, and eventually, self reflection. If we don’t receive loving care for our body-being as children, we can end up alienated from our own living community of collaborating, loving cells.

Pre- and peri-natal trauma expert, Ray Castellino, used the model of the blueprint to help us understand our birth right. The blueprint is our native embodied intelligence, the result of some four billion years of evolution, with all the wisdom that implies. Over time, experiences imprint onto that functioning, self-loving, and self-respecting blueprint of “I am”. These imprints can happen before you are even born if, for example, your mother didn’t want you or was experiencing stress or danger. Imprints can happen at birth, in our infancy or childhood, or even in our adult life. These patterns can be unconsciously passed down from one generation to the next in the coping mechanisms, culture, and behavior of families that have experienced trauma and loss. None of these erase the blueprint of a self-loving, self-respecting living organism. Given support and clearing these imprints, the healthy blueprint of the body will do its best to emerge.

Our modern culture does not respect the body's blueprint. From before birth on, we don’t understand or support the natural patterns that foster optimum health. (For more on this, see Darcia Narvaez, the Evolved Nest and Annie Brook). Instead, many of our cultural practices undermine this blueprint and teach us to look outside ourselves for self-regard. We look to performance (I’m as good as my last sale), other people (I’m okay if you think I am), or attributes or acquisitions (I got the Mercedes). As Terry Real points out in his latest course on self-esteem, all of these external sources of self-validation will let you down at some point. (You lost the sale, your partner is mad at you, and your payment is past due on the Mercedes. Ugh!)

There is, however, a source of genuine love available to you all the time, always, even when you (or rather, your mind) don’t feel loving towards yourself. Your body loves itself. And that body is you. (Try living the game of life without one!) Much of the time we are at war with our body. When our mind and all the requirements we place on our bodies are out of sync with our very existential self, we cannot be happy. We cannot feel connected or loving towards our self. We hurt.

There is a way out of this mess: learn to listen to your body. Gently. With tenderness and care.

Now this isn’t so easy. The mind, and all its constructs of ego and cultural expectations believes it is the holder of the truth. We need to learn to quiet the mind, to listen to our own heart beat, our own breath, the community of cooperating cells that keep us alive every moment. To slow down and sense the vitality of our own living tissue.

Some of you may protest that bodies die after all, and that can feel like a betrayal. Your physical self knows it is part of the living cycle of life and that includes death. At the core, your physical self knows itself to be part of something larger, sustained by the mystery of life, and welcomed back into that mystery when its time as come. I believe this is why a violent death at the hands of another human feels like such a violation.

For some of us, listening to the body may seem like an impossible task. If that's you, I invite you to imagine that you are walking in a nice, safe park and a beautiful day. You come across a park bench on the side of the path, and on that park bench a small child is sitting, curled over, crying. For most of us, we will feel an urge to comfort that child (unless crying was scorned in your family, if so, imagine a dear friend is in distress and feel the compassion that can arise to comfort them). The compassion that naturally arises in us to comfort that small child is the same love that your body feels for itself, for you in other words.

I hope that just knowing there is a loving ground of being available every moment of every day in your very own body will encourage you to slow down and re-connect with your own living, loving community of cells. And, to treat your physical self (that’s you, after all) with the love, tenderness and respect you would a small child or dear friend. Because your body always loves you, even when your mind doesn't.